hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Ladies don't puke and tell
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
