Umm I'm too high to move.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out