Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.