I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
he just fucked me for my cheese..