i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.