It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize