I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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