the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
