I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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