Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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