I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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