we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
