i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Randomize
