She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
