6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize