Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
