i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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