like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I take back everything I said about communal showers
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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