"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
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Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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