By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
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At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
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Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize