i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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