well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
