I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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