i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
YAS. BRING CRAB.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize