I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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