You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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