Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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