I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My bed smells like the plague
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