So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan