haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.