he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you win again, gameday.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.