i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid