Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket