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is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
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