Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.