proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
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my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
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Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever