The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...