I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
not ubering you a puppy
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
