she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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