Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
