Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
