I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize