Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Your cock deserves a montage
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
