I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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