you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
