you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
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dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
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The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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