I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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