Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize