In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
