How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
