it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
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I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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