can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize