The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
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Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
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Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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