I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
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yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
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We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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