Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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