Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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