But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize