My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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