She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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