Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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