My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Acid is not a monday night drug
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.