Swine flu. Run for my life!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
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We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
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Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!